by Michell Spoden
Love is like a river. The source of the river is our hearts and our infinite capacities to love. The path of the river is our attention and our ability to consciously direct it to the people we care about. As our river of love flows across the people in our lives, both our love and the person we love are transformed.
– Brahma Viharas, noble virtues
I had the opportunity to chat with Princella Clark, author of the book The 5 Components of Love. Originally from Shreveport, Louisiana, she has been a resident of Houston, Texas for the past 10 years.
Can you briefly share with us your journey from childhood to the authorship of this book?
I grew up in a mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive family. I was an outcast on my maternal side of the family. I did not have the issues with my paternal side that I had with my maternal side. I’ve had several traumatic life experiences along with several failed relationships that dealt with manipulation and physical abuse. I did not receive love from home nor from any relationship I had ever been in. After 20 years of hitting brick walls with people, I realized that the love I need will not come from anywhere but from me.
Prior to coming to this realization, I was having a conversation with a gentleman I considered my mentor at the time. He told me about a class he was forced to take in college in the early ‘80s that had nothing to do with his major. That class was philosophy. To make a long story short, the professor told him all of the philosophers were wrong and the point of philosophy is everyone has the power to create their own. Once he said that, it unlocked a part of my brain and, instantly, The 5 Components of Love revealed itself to me.
How do you define love?
Many people hear cliché sayings such as, ‘love is blind’, ‘you have to love yourself first’, ‘love has languages’, and ‘love is an action word’. All of these are WRONG. Love is a concept of SELFLESS INTENT. Actions can be used to DECEIVE and manipulate. If one bases love on nothing more than an action, HOW can a person determine whether or not the actions done unto them are of love or deception? They can’t. Many will claim “intuition” but if they truly had intuition, they would not be in the situations they are in and asking for help. Many people claim to be selfless but everything they do for someone has an ulterior motive attached to it. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be SELFLESS when you are still in NEED. When you are in NEED, the actions performed unto someone are attached with the expectation of getting a deficiency need fulfilled by that person. Any person seeking reciprocity is NOT operating in love. They are operating in TRANSACTION.
Please share some of the greatest examples of love that you have seen in your life time.
There are demonstrations of love ALL AROUND US. Very few of these examples are human-to-human though. Most demonstrations of love are for hobbies, inanimate objects, animals, and causes. You don’t expect anything back from a hobby, an animal or inanimate objects; therefore love can flow freely. However, when it comes to humans, there are ENDLESS expectations humans have for one another. Therefore, it is much more difficult to reach the height of love between humans.
If you could change anything in this world, what would it be?
Nothing. The world is functioning the way it was intended to function.
Do you believe in the concepts of Agape, Eros, and Phileo Love?
None of these types of love exist. It is this idea of multiple types of love that has people blinded and completely confused. There is only one love and one love only. Eroticism is not love. It is a primal lust. These are all created by men—the same men who are confused about where their emotions come from. The sex hormone, testosterone, triggers the amygdala, the brain’s emotion center. When men experience a flood of emotion, they are NOT FAMILIAR WITH, they label it as LOVE. The way they respond to this foreign feeling is becoming sexually aroused. During this phase, their brains dial down empathy. This is who we are listening to for the meaning of LOVE? I think not. Brotherly love? Does not exist. Agape- is a poor explanation of actual LOVE. It has no depth or meaning because it has been tagged to a ‘PERFECT’ being/GOD, thus on a level that the average human doesn’t even process or seek to attain. Love is not GOD. You can’t quantify or break that down in to any digestible ways. Therefore, ALL of these are INCORRECT.
How about some love trivia questions the audience could try to answer?
It’s difficult to ask these questions on paper without actively participating in the questioning. The way I ask questions are structured in a way for them to speak what THEY see and believe about love and then intercept by giving them things that contradict their own beliefs and cause them to see where they have truly gone wrong in relationships. When I do that, they realize it was their PHILOSOPHY that caused them the most harm. Not them as a person, but their philosophy. Their philosophy of love is totally skewed. I am currently working on 5 Components of Love workshop that people can sign up to attend to truly get schooled on this concept along with their current thought processes. If they would like to be part of this workshop, they can go to www.princellathequeenmaker.com and sign up on the wait-list for the next available session. The sessions will be held via Zoom. People can also get the book and workbook at my website.
Tell us a bit about your podcast.
My podcast is informational and raw. I am unfiltered in my delivery. Many men come to my platform to challenge what I teach women. I teach women men are INCAPABLE of love. I teach them to love themselves and play the power game with men. Men are furious with this because it is awakening women so much that it reduces the effectiveness of the manipulation men rely on to get their needs met. So, they come with the intent to assert their will on me and challenge my position. So far, many have failed at that attempt. I am a teacher, a developer, and humanitarian. I have an outlaw spirit and what I do is full of fire. I do not do it in a submissive or subtle way. I do it in a very blatant, frank, aggressive and powerful way. I did not come to walk on eggshells. I came to demolish the entire patriarchal façade that has had women acting outside of their divinity too long. It has had them psychologically abused, defeated, and drained. I came to stop this in its tracks.
Why do you call yourself the Queen Maker? Is this book adult content only?
I have not called myself the Queen Maker. This is a name that a person gave me in the comments section of one of my TikTok videos. She said, “My god, you are not just a queen, you are a queen maker.” I told a friend of mine about that comment and he told me, “P, that’s your new brand.” Why do the ladies call me the Queen Maker? Because I restore the power they were naturally created to have. I restore confidence; I eliminate codependent holes; and I FREE them. I reconnect them to their truth of who they individually are and give them confidence to live that truth without guilt. This is how a Queen is made.
What are some of your future goals?
One day I plan to have speaking engagements all around the world, a summer camp for young girls and some coalitions with high-performing men to incorporate this understanding into young male children. One day the world will be a better place when we make it a better place through our knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of each other and this planet.
About the Author
Michell Spoden a freelance writer and advocate for woman who has a nonprofit organization called Dream Builders.